he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
