Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
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