Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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