I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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