first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
