well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.