garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
