I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome