How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say