he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
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My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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