the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
