What a fucking waste of an outfit
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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