that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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