I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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