broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
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