i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
