This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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