the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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