It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
