Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
