i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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