There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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