Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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