woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
