I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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