Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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