Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
