I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
