i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
