His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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