My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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