I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
