in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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