Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
