you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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