i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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