I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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