can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
