I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
