i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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