My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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