highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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