we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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