How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
