This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
