she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
