omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
