And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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