Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
