I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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