I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
