Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
