Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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