I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
