You were right. It hurts to walk today.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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