i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
where are my eyebrows?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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