it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
