For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize