I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
