i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
