whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
A+ Viking dick
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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