We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
