im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
