the new term for farting is butt boxing.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
