No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
