bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
