I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
