my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
