bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
