My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
