I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
