He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
