I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I stole a fireplace last night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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