that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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