Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
