Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize