i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
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Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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