We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
