She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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