i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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