I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
