NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
