also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
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I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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